bummed out

yep, that would be how i feel at the moment. you see this morning i woke up about midnight or so with a horrible throbbing headache. one so bad that it made me just sick to my stomach. i've spent the entire day in my "jammies" just wishing i felt 100%. the reason for feeling a little bummed out is the fact i'm missing confirmation tonight. i was really looking forward to our field trip this evening. despite the fact we would spending the entire time in the freezing cold, we would be going to one of my favorite places on earth to visit...a cemetery.

yes, i like cemeteries...a lot in fact. for you see i don't view them as a place of death but a place of life. new life. new beginnings. as far as i can remember i've always thought of them as something alive and beautiful. in college i enjoyed going down to oakland cemetery quite a bit and taking pictures of the beautiful statues, mausoleums and markers. you do stuff like this when you're an art major. (boy, do i miss those days.)

the point of the field trip tonight, though, is to teach that is doesn't matter when you're born or even when you die, but what matters most is what is in between. what you do during the dash. i learned this at an early age due to the fact that my dad died at 39 of a massive heartache when i was just eighteen years old. it honestly doesn't matter what type of car you drive, what name brand of jeans you wear or even the size of your house. what matters is how you love and live and the people in your life! make it count!

trying to get back in the swing of things

is exactly what i'm trying to do. it's been an uphill battle for me since i came down with the flu. as of today, i'm still suffering from a horrible cough that i can't seem to get rid of. i've been on a z-pack for five days and a steroid with not much improvement. kevin would tell you that half my problem is that i'm not properly resting. you know, he is probably right!

i spent most of last week at lela's school helping set up the book fair, taking pictures of red ribbon week and helping out in the classroom. i have actually surprised myself with how much i have had going on these days. between getting ready for lacey's fall festival at her school and just my weekly helping out in lela's classroom i feel torn in half a different directions. i swear i think that is one of the requirements of being a mom.

i keep hoping that things would slow down a bit, but then again do they ever? i honestly think that life is a roller coaster with its ups and downs, surprises and turns, personally you just never know what is coming next....all i've got to say is "hang on!"

now seriously...

for weeks now i've been toying with the idea to really get personal and open myself up. i feel like i share so much of myself on my blog, but it's usually happy stuff. i like happy stuff. it makes me smile and it makes realize how truly blessed i am, but for some odd reason i'm going take you to a dark place i was in not to terribly long ago.

i can't really put a finger on when i started feeling not quite myself, but i do know that by the time school was finished back in the spring i was finished as well. i had become angry, edgy, mean (according to the girls) and just down right indifferent. i didn't want to clean my house, cook, play with our girls, etc. i would write in my journal about how unhappy i was in my life, but never sharing any of this with you. my darling husband kept encouraging me to go to the doctor but i so didn't want to. finally i realized just how miserable i was. i went to the doctor telling him how i thought it was my hormones. we talked for a while in regards to everything i had been experiencing. my blood was even drawn and tested. he ended up prescribing me an anti-depressant, lexapro. i was not happy when the prescription was handed to me. he told me of the side-effects which really turned me off, but then he also total me of the benefits. after much thought, i decided that i just needed to give it a try and see what happened. don't worry about the side effects, focus on all the positives. well, i'm happy to say that i feel like myself again. what a wonderful feeling! i have my energy back and i'm loving life. the vibe in the house is much more calm and peaceful and i personally prefer it that way. life is good, god is good and i truly feel blessed. i don't really think about the negatives. i won't lie and say that they don't cross my mind, but doesn't everything we do in life have sometype of effect? good or bad?